Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
