So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
