the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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