Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
where does the pee come out of this thing
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
