this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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