Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
