C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize