I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
