you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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