her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
