Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
