The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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