Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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