I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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