Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize