OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize