if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
