so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
