cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
