ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
