i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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