Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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