Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
