his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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