i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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