were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
