I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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