I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
