i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
