Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
