Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
