On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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