KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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