is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
