I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
