A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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