I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
