i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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