Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
