is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize