i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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