five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
