pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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