She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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