4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
