I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you traded sex for a burrito?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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