Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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