I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
