i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
