Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
