just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He is an equal opportunity slut.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
