Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
