I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
