i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize