Someone shit on the floor
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
