Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
