Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
