I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Everyone says I win the strip club
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
