ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
