I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
