Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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