I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
