I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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