Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
