I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
only you would photoshop your dick
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
