Little spoons don't ask big questions
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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