I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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