Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
