I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize