I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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